We got a new laminate floor put down in the kitchen because the burst pipe under the sink treated us to icky mold under the existing linoleum. The warm oak color looks good and brightens the room.

Anyway, I was told to get this special mop, a bona, to clean the floor. It has a sprayer and leaves no residue, etc. So I go to Lowe’s and buy one for $40. Not cheap. It’s plastic and the pieces attach together. Except they don’t. I pore over the instructions, but the green piece on part B simply will not fit into the white handle of part A. So I take it back to Lowe’s hoping that someone will help me put it together.

The young woman in Customer Service intercoms someone from some department to appear. An even younger, smaller young woman shows up and has no idea what to do. But both of them give it a good try. They fit the pieces into each other and find, like I did, that they will not fit. They identify, like I did, that the white piece seems too thick for the green piece to slide over it. The younger one goes back for another mop contraption, convinced that the one I bought is defective somehow. She returns shortly, announcing that there are no more. They turn to a man, older and a manager type, for help. He immediately tries to force the pieces together. When that doesn’t work he grabs a long screwdriver and tries to forcibly widen the green part. Doesn’t work. He puts the pieces down and disappears. Next comes an elf-looking young man. He plays with it a while and behold! The white part snaps into the green part. At no time did any of these people consult the instructions. The girls intuited what to do and when it didn’t work they figured out why. The manager guy applied force and when it didn’t work he left. The elf-boy played with it and randomly found a way. Hmmmmm.

Triumphantly I bring my mop home and into the house where I am met by the woman who cleans for us. She takes one look at the mop and tells me categorically that it will not work. The sprayer is no good. I didn’t really want to hear that, so she kept saying it one, two, three times. I wasn’t going to return to Lowe’s at that moment so I asked her to give it a try. She agreed but it turned out she was right — the sprayer didn’t work. I got my money back. Let the floor clean itself.